December 2025. a musing

A Thought

“Well,” commented my daughter-in-law in an observational, not judgmental tone, “He certainly made a negative impression on you.”

Which made me realize that I had once again complained about the rude waiter we’d encountered not once but twice at “G” restaurant, declaring that it would be a long time before we went back there to dine.  

I replied, “The first time I thought he might just be having a bad night, and so we went back, but we got him again and he was just as bad.  As soon as we sat down, he announced that the kitchen was closing in twenty minutes (and I wanna get out of here) and then just kind of tossed the menus on the table in front of us and walked away.  Served our entrees the same way too.”

Thinking about it and my reaction more, I realized that at most restaurants, including “G” on past visits with different servers, the wait staff was pleasant and friendly.  But unless the waiter really stands out by providing exceptional service or has had to contend with some unforeseen problem with amazing grace and calm, I really don’t remember them once I’ve received the tab, added the tip, put away my charge card, and stood up to leave.  Why do those who create a pleasant experience seem so anonymous to me but the ones who sour the experience are remembered so clearly and with such detail?

There was the audiologist at Costco who was such a grouch last year when I asked if I should have another audiogram since I was not getting much benefit from my hearing aids.  “You just had one last year.  You don’t need another.”  (Period. so stop bothering me).  And yet at every other interaction with the hearing aid center, the staff has always been so pleasant, smiling, and willing to help, and I don’t remember any of them except for the one from my most recent visit just three days ago.  Why does bad service stick in my mind and why do I take good service for granted?

Shakespeare alluded to this fallacy in Mark Anthony’s funeral oration in Julius Caesar when he wrote, “The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones.”  To quote Shakespeare while musing about bad server interactions may be a bit pretentious.  I mean we are considering a failure of service, not the murder of a legendary historical ruler.

That said, how can we and, why don’t we, recognize and reward good customer service more often?  And by the way, what is good service?  

To consider the second question first, good service probably means different things to different people.  For me, it means that the service person sees, recognizes, and treats me as an individual, not just a faceless paying customer.  

With respect to the first question, the usual way to reward a good dining experience is to leave a larger than customary tip.  Although the server will be gratified by this, does he or she realize that you, are thanking them for their effort.  That you’re not just a big spender out to impress the company that you’re with?  The server probably would be left with a warm glow if, as they presented your bill, you specifically told them how much their service added to your enjoyment of the whole experience.  The message being that you also see them as a person, more than just the anonymous server of salads and entrees.  That you are aware of them and appreciate their efforts.

I guess to sum up before putting this ramble to bed, or interring it, we all would like to be seen and recognized as individuals. Expressing thanks and gratitude when we have a pleasant encounter with another person will leave both of us smiling.  Just by performing a non-random act of kindness. .