March 2025 Story

The Maze

….it’s getting late and i keep running into dead ends.  how’d i get into this maze anyhow?  the cornstalks are high and closely planted.  why can’t i remember?  another wrong turn.  the dirt is so black, so uneven to walk on.  big clods.  don’t want to spend the night sleeping in here.  the corn rustles.  don’t know if there’s something coming through them.  wolves?  do i play dead if one comes for me?  okay, got into a row that seems to be leading somewhere.  another dead end!  backtrack and turn left.  i must have gone out for something.  it’s darker.  did i turn this way before?  should I yell for help?  my phone!  why didn’t i think of that before.  i’ll call sarah so she’ll know i’ll be late.  what’s the password?  i can’t remember the password.  the battery’s almost dead…. 

Oh, thank God.  I woke up just in time.  It was just a bad dream.  I’m awake but where am I?  I must be lying on my back in this white place.  Now  I remember.  The ceiling looks so high above and the walls so far apart.  My dream had color—it seemed so frighteningly real.  But there’s no color in this place.  I can hear activity around me.  Soft muffled voices.  Wheels rolling by?  And there may be people moving out of the corners of my eyes.  Why can’t I move my eyes to see them?   Am I still dreaming or awake?  It must be breakfast time if I just woke up.  But I don’t feel hungry.  I’ll get up and look around.  The back wall keeps receding as I walk towards it and I don’t see a door so how can I get out to see where I am?   Guess I’ll go back to bed and just rest….

….where’s that sandwich shop that we went to the last time we were visiting.  the pastrami was really piled on.  And sauerkraut.  i’ll bring it back to the hotel.  it was half way down clement street.  or claremont?  i’m here, but where is it?  excuse me mister, but did the tasty sandwich shop move?  “it’s now in the mall.”  oh it’s in the mall now?  thanks.  huh, really small door to the mall.  and i should have asked where in the mall.  there are so many corridors and it’s not very well lit.  no direction board.  try the middle corridor that looks like there are some food stalls—got colorful awnings.  pizza, dim sum, fish and chips, chicago hot dogs, waffle cone ice cream, but no sandwich shop.  there’s another door at the end of the lane.  up spiral stairs, dark and musty smelling.  push open this heavy grey door.  now what?  just a long hallway with closed sanded glass doors and no signs.  where’s a rest room—i need one now.  look quickly down the hall.  here’s one.  it’s not very clean with paper towels on the floor.  smells bad.  but i’ll use the stainless steel trough.  ah, that’s better.  back in the hallway.  but how do i get out?  ask this guy—excuse me but where’s the exit?  “you just have to follow the office workers out at quiting time.”  thank you.  open this metal door and go up more stairs.  another heavy grey steel door.  up on the roof.  a really lush garden here and green grass  i should phone sarah that i haven’t found the sandwich shop.  wrong number?  what’s the right number?  try again.  wrong number again.  try later.  great view, the city looks really spread out from up here.  all the way to the sea.   maybe i can walk back to the hotel…. 

Such a real dream.  Too bad I didn’t find the sandwich shop.  Sarah and I really liked their pastrami.  But it was just a dream.  Who’s coming up?  Oh, it’s Dr. Long with someone new. 

“Good morning, James.  James is our patient who’s been with us the longest with locked-in syndrome,” Dr. Long said to the new resident he is orienting.  “James, this is Paul who will be assisting in your care.”  

“Hi James,’ says Paul hesitantly.  “He can see and hear us?”

“Yes.  James is unlike most people who are locked-in, in that his eye muscles are also paralyzed.  So unfortunately he can’t use eye movements to communicate with us.  But we think he can hear us because his auditory region lights up on functional MRI (fMRI) when we talk to him.  Likewise his visual cortex when we show him pictures of his family.”

“What about his EEG?” asks Paul.

“James’ EEG shows wake patterns as you would find in a waking person, and sleep patterns when he’s asleep.  We think he dreams too, because he dips into and out of REM sleep tracings.  During waking periods, the fMRI motor areas will light up at times so we think he is walking or doing other motor tasks in his mind.”  

Dr. Long steps back from the bedside so that an attendant can access James’ ostomy port to feed him his liquid lunch, and then change his urine drainage pad.

‘”James, Paul and I will be back later today.  We’d like to run some more tests on you.  Nothing painful.  Okay?  See you later.”

Okay Dr. Long.  Guess I really don’t have a say in the matter.  Oh Sarah, we had such a happy visit to San Francisco.  It’s great to remember.  And the Cliff House at sunset….

Outside of James’ room, Paul asks, “Dr. Long, is he still sane?  I mean locked into his mind with no way to communicate.  I can’t imagine how horrible that must be.”

“We try to keep him engaged with travel and science programs on TV as well as movies.  PT visits daily.  We found out from his wife what music he enjoyed and play those.  And she and the children visit regularly.”

“What about the testing today?”  

“We’re trying out a new scalp electrode cap to see if he can be taught to answer yes or no questions by activating discrete parts of his cortex to communicate at least in a minimal way.”

“Aren’t there experiments with implanted brain electrodes?” asks Paul.

“First we’ll see if James can be taught to communicate in a simple yes or no way.  And then if he is capable of that, we’ll speak with his wife Sarah about next steps.”